I have had it with these motherfucking babies on this motherfucking plane!

Well now, usually I take my left turns about three-quarters of the way through my post, but today, I'll do it right from the start. For any of you who agree with the title of this post and dislike people who bring babies on airplanes (if it can shit on the pot, it's old enough to work, thus not a baby), well, you people can fuck off. That's right, I said it. Fuck. Off. Also, your wrong and your stupid. Allow me to shed some light on my reasoning, which happens to be far superior to yours.

1. I paid for my ticket, so kiss my ass - You want your peace and quiet? I want my child to scream uncontrollably for the next two hours, because it means that when I land and get home, it'll sleep through the fucking night.

2. You were a baby too, fucker - While most of you, or your parents (Billy was the perfect child!) don't agree with this, all of us were little shits at one point. I'm sure that you at one time disrupted a movie, a meal, or your pops trying to get some on a weeknight. Get over it...

3. They serve alcohol on planes for a reason - And the reason isn't to get you through a crying fit. It's because any form of transportation that endorses the consumption of alcoholic beverages usually wants it's passengers to have a good time. I mean shit, even the names of these forms of travel are fun! Let's see, you've got the Booze Cruise, Party Bus, and NJ Transit to name a few!

4. Last I checked, a plane does not have the Dewey Decimal system - There's no books, no scary librarians, and no signs aboard that say shut the fuck up. You want to sleep? Go to a library.

5. You will annoy the person sitting next to you with your complaining - I guarantee that those of you whom this bothers will be complaining long after my kid has stopped crying. I feel bad for the poor bastard sitting next to you who has to listen, and the stewardess, and the gate girl, and the taxi driver, and anyone else who has the misfortune of speaking to you.

So do me a favor the next time you see someone traveling with a newborn. Fasten your seat belt, return your seat-back to the upright position, and shut the fuck up.